Twas the Night before Christmas
by Sensoo
Summary: ...I wrote this for a friend for Christmas, Farfarello gets loose on Christmas Eve, and my friend Ro-chan is narrating the poem...


Author's notes:  
  
"Merry Christmas! Have a very Weiß one...-_-;;- I just said that? Urk!" Anyway, Weiß Kreuz and "The Night Before Christmas" Do not belong to me, I'd rather like to have the former.. But don't we all? Anyway, Ro-chan is a quarter Japanese (referenced in the poem) And I really do love Crawford and Nagi, but I wrote this for someone else.who doesn't love Crawford and Nagi.well, I can't picture him turning up in this.I wrote this late off the top of my head.I really need to see a therapist about these kind of things. -_-  
  
Twas the night before Christmas,  
  
And all through the place,  
  
There was a cheapskate, two whores,  
  
And real basket case.  
  
The stockings were fishnet,  
  
And nailed up without care,  
  
And you can bet,  
  
That Crawford did not want them there.  
  
Those freaks were in bed,  
  
Alone or together,  
  
Their one excuse?  
  
"Blame the weather!"  
  
So Crawford in his dress,  
  
And Sunday hat,  
  
Was very very busy.  
  
Oops did I say that?!  
  
When out from the lawn,  
  
There rose such a noise,  
  
I figured I'd go yell,  
  
At those stupid Weiß boys.  
  
Up to the window,  
  
I grabbed Crawford's gun,  
  
And laughed like Farfello,  
  
As I made them run.  
  
Though half-drunk,  
  
I still could shoot a big mass,  
  
And from outside I heard Yohji,  
  
"Itai!!! My ASS!!!"  
  
"Well that's what you get,  
  
Shot in the butt!"  
  
And with that,  
  
I slammed the window shut.  
  
I heard mad cackling,  
  
And other bad sounds,  
  
I sighed, annoyed,  
  
And then looked around.  
  
With a straight jacket on,  
  
And Schuldich's old scarf,  
  
I knew in a moment,  
  
It was just the Farf.  
  
He must have gotten loose,  
  
And that's pretty bad,  
  
If there's a body in the living room,  
  
Crawford's gonna be mad.  
  
"Go to bed Farfello!  
  
And don't make a mess  
  
We don't want Crawford down there.  
  
In his ugly pink dress!"  
  
I opened my door,  
  
And slowly went out,  
  
With the bad news,  
  
That Farfie's about.  
  
"It's Christmas you know!"  
  
He yelled through the halls,  
  
I was sorely tempted,  
  
To kick him in the balls.  
  
"I don't care!  
  
I want to go back to bed!  
  
How do I get that,  
  
Through your maimed head?!"  
  
He popped up in front of me,  
  
Or more accurately, hung down,  
  
His upside-down smile,  
  
A creepy-ass frown.  
  
"It's Christmas dear Ro-chan,  
  
And it's time to play.  
  
A chance to hurt God,  
  
On his own birthday."  
  
Knowing he wouldn't go away,  
  
Till he had his fun,  
  
I pretended to listen,  
  
As I played with the gun.  
  
As much as I love him,  
  
That albino contradiction,  
  
I listened to his theories,  
  
On Santa constriction.  
  
As that involved,  
  
Hunting the old man,  
  
And ended up with something,  
  
In the frying pan.  
  
"Not in my kitchen,  
  
Not with my stuff,  
  
I'm really tired,  
  
This is enough!!!"  
  
Farfello stood there,  
  
Ignoring my remark,  
  
So I left him talking,  
  
To the dark.  
  
The last I heard,  
  
Was about the fate,  
  
Of carolers who dare,  
  
Come up to our gate.  
  
"Now Dasher! Now Dancer!  
  
Now Prancer and Vixen!  
  
On Comet! On Stupid!  
  
On Donner and Blitzen!"  
  
And then in a crash,  
  
I heard on the roof,  
  
The prancing and pawing,  
  
Of thirty-six hooves.  
  
Must have Rudolph,  
  
Unnecessary weight,  
  
Let's see if he'll downsize,  
  
Back to eight.  
  
I went out my door,  
  
And dragged Farfello too,  
  
He'd be of use,  
  
In that petting zoo.  
  
I marched down the stairs,  
  
To find some old coot,  
  
Reaching in the stockings,  
  
And covered in soot.  
  
I sat there and stared,  
  
The Farf licked his knife,  
  
Then proceeded to end,  
  
The burglar's life.  
  
I sighed at the mess,  
  
When he was done,  
  
He looked up at me,  
  
"Now wasn't that fun?"  
  
The guy's features,  
  
Weren't exactly clear,  
  
He was fat and white,  
  
And missing an ear.  
  
Though his clothes had been red,  
  
Before the mishap,  
  
He had a beard,  
  
That was now in his lap.  
  
He had had a pipe,  
  
Which was next to his shoe,  
  
Farfie innocently said,  
  
"Oh, those'll kill you!"  
  
He was right you know,  
  
I looked at the dead elf,  
  
And I laughed when I saw him,  
  
In spite of myself.  
  
Another knife from the Farf,  
  
And a twist in the head,  
  
Soon gave me to know,  
  
He was really dead.  
  
Farf spoke not a word,  
  
But went straight to work,  
  
And climbed up that chimney,  
  
That irresponsible jerk.  
  
I followed unhappily,  
  
And missed being gutted by a deer,  
  
Farfie was downsizing all right,  
  
With his usual leer.  
  
First was Dasher,  
  
Farf's very precise,  
  
And there was Dancer,  
  
Slice by slice.  
  
There went Donner.  
  
And Blitzen as well  
  
Eww.don't look at Comet,  
  
And Stupid's in Hell.  
  
Animal rightists,  
  
Would be out of bed  
  
IF they saw what Farfie,  
  
Did to Rudolph's head.  
  
I looked at the chaos,  
  
That was our roof,  
  
And for being so annoying,  
  
I beat Farfie with a hoof.  
  
I cleaned up the mess,  
  
Cuz that's what I do,  
  
Before the others got up,  
  
And went slightly askew.  
  
I got rid of the body,  
  
We have a nice spot,  
  
Where remains can be found,  
  
*Look at Farfello*  
  
Or not.  
  
The next morning went well,  
  
It went off without a hitch,  
  
Except for Crawford's ravings,  
  
About that quarter-breed bitch.  
  
Ah well, he'll never know,  
  
What happened, and that's a bummer,  
  
Even though we have reindeer steaks,  
  
That'll last us till summer.  
  
Merry Christmas to all... . I feel queasy.  
Top of Form 1  
Bottom of Form 1 


End file.
